Storytime: A friend tried to guilt-trip me into dating her then slut-shamed & ghosted me.
Disclaimer, I was in an open relationship with my ex-boyfriend at the time so he was used to me hanging with my casual flings. All of our friends were aware of the setup of our relationship. This even gave some of them the confidence to hit on me and attempt to have a taste my Goddessesq energy. Including his music engineer. So my ex is a musical genius with various skills in the field. I would love to watch him in his element. This included going to the studio with him. For any of those overzealous rapper girlfriends out there, you know that when your man lets you ride to the studio, its a whole event. Gotta get cute and clear out the rest of the evening so I can sip wine and stare at him clammer his inner emotions into a fuzzy microphone.
I naturally developed a semi flirty friendship with his engineer. We will call her Noshi. She was playful & into my quirkiness. Atlanta has a small POC queer community. So, of course, I’d been around her a couple of times but I guess I’d be draped in too much black lipstick & thc clouds for her to notice me.
Anyways, we started hanging out aside from my monthly fan girl appearances. Ya’ll We had some fun together, I'm not even gonna lie. She was super energetic and creative. We would play laser tag, horseback riding, cute breakfast movie marathons. The whole nine yards. In my head it was all fun and games until the sexual advances started happening. Which isn’t surprising considering our blooming closeness. I just wanted to blindly hold onto “the friendship” without confusing things. It would’ve made sense if I’d just been more firm about it. Yet at the time I loved the attention and was genuinely into being around her. So in a way I chose to ignore her feelings for me. I always had trouble blurring the lines between friends and lovers. This time I was elated, thinking this was different. I felt I was getting a rare form of intimacy that I was craving, and I was giving her the same. In retrospect you can call me right out selfish. But I wasn't here for the cat & mouse chase. I wanted to be appreciated for everything aside from my body with her.
As time progressed, I was becoming confused and felt guilt, that shouldn't have been there. I wasn’t promising A future or sexual connection with her. Yet she found a way to make me feel bad about not giving these things to her. So I gave in a couple of times after her drunkenly seducing me. Out of those couple of times, it didn’t feel right. She would try to convince me that there is where I needed to be. I would be so flustered and nervous I’d storm out of her house each time after she’d confess her drunken love for me while demanding to know my inner traumas, which quite frankly isn't for everyone or anyone to share so candidly. We continued to hang out, and I would be loads more verbal about wanting to stay friends. She was friends with my boyfriend for crying out loud, how far did she think this would go. I know I’m the bad guy. Even though My intentions weren’t kept secret from her. She wasn’t the first to try to swindle me out of my primary relationship. But jeez- I just wanted to keep Noshi around and maintain a mature understanding.
Fast-forwarding to the moment where it all crumbled; My boyfriend had a show for his music. I showed up, overly cute, as always. Noshi’s roommate, Marlow was in attendance. Let me just say although Marlow was very attractive. It never crossed my mind to hit on or try to date her out of respect for Noshi’s feelings. So Marlow was at the show, joined me and my friends. Everything is great, my man did his thing on stage and it was over. So you know how folks just loiter outside the club because everyone is buzzed and searching for the next move?
Well as my boyfriend was taking a mini nap in his car, Marlow walked me to mine. We flirted, for sure. I was more shocked than flattered that she came onto me, but we were tipsy so I didn't take it too seriously. Or maybe I did. We ended up exchanging numbers that night and texting every day for like 5 days. I had guilt hovering over me, even though I and Noshi were not a thing, and she knew it. We kept our text conversation light and innocent for the most part. Even talked about how we would tell Noshi if we did decide to be into each other. So on the 5th day of us texting, She decides to “stop by” We hang out for an hour. It just felt like an episode of cheaters, the way she was checking her phone, and warning me that Noshi would ask her where she was. I decide to send her home because I don't want to interrupt their friendship. Before she leaves, we kiss. and it was one of those Disney, fireworks kisses, I swear!
In my head I’m definitely thinking on how I will tell Noshi about boundaries and that I may be interested in her roommate. Messy.
So the next day, before I could even muster up texting Noshi that we need to talk. Marlow calls me, telling me that Noshi read all the texts and that she found out about us as if we had an ongoing affair. She tells me to delete any texts and to not respond to Noshi calling me. Like a dummy, I assume Marlow know best so I follow her orders. Only to find out that she lied to Noshi, telling her that it was all me and I can’t be trusted. I finally agree to meet up with Noshi and prepare to Explain why staying friends is important. As soon as I showed up to the deserted park that she chose. She gave me no time to speak. She called me every spiteful slut name in the book. She told me how she and Marlow planned the whole thing, just to test me. What was there to test ?? we were not a couple, or close to being one. She was spewing words made out of knives at me, I had to get up and leave as she was throwing words in my back. I never spoke or saw her after that. Moral of the story, state your intentions, stand firm, and if they happen to change. Let it be known. Don’t break your boundaries for anyone.
